This article is primarily about losing weight, but the metaphor of the “last 10 pounds” applies also to any dream you’ve been putting off, delaying, waiting to happen. Please read on…

In my case it was 15 pounds. In yours it could be 5 or 50. It doesn’t matter. What matters is having the courage to face facts and take action. Don’t turn off yet! It is really possible to do this! Nearly three years ago, at age 52, I got disgusted with the fact that every year on my “New Years Resolution” list, for as long as I could remember, I wrote: lose 10 pounds.

While I had been able to accomplish (or dismiss) many other goals, this one remained persistently unsatisfied, and it plagued me every day of my life.I was reminded of my failure each time I got dressed and stood in front of the mirror wondering, “Do I look fat in this?” Of course I looked fat! I was fat or, rather, had fat that embarrassed me.

In recognizing my own value and responsibility for my happiness, I had already successfully “gotten rid of” many things, and even people, I didn’t like. Why then, had I clung so ardently to carrying around extra weight that burdened my psyche? Compromised my health? Made me uncomfortable? Since there was clearly no one else to blame (there never is!), I had to ask, what is this relationship of self-loathing, when in so many ways I’ve come to truly love and appreciate other aspects of my self? Why am I giving myself such a hard time? What is keeping me from inhabiting the body I would be proud of?

Are You “Good or Bad”?

By replacing the old pattern of constantly judging myself, with wonder about the possibilities within my control, an amazing thing happened: I started losing weight. I didn’t fuss about calories or diets, but I was more aware of what I was putting in my mouth, more choosey about eating what I knew was better for me. We all know this!

It doesn’t require science or magical discipline – weight is totally and only relevant to what you put into your mouth (except in rare cases of disease) and how much is burned by biological activity. If you have excess fat, you are taking in more than you’re burning up.
I substituted that idiotic and childish phrase women often use in relation to eating – “I’m being good (or bad)” – with self-loving awareness and gentle questions like: Do I really want to eat this? Will it cause me to feel good about myself? Or do I want to continue playing that no-win game of going to bed every night wishing I hadn’t eaten this or that?

For me, the answer was clear: I wanted finally, after decades of self-conscious discomfort, to get a handle on something totally within my control. I wanted my inner beauty and confidence to match what I presented to the world. I wanted to stop feeling ashamed of myself.

Actions

I didn’t change anything in my diet, except to tune in to my body and mind and love that I was slowly turning around that relation-ship to self. I didn’t talk about it or get and follow any one’s advice – this was an inner dialogue. If I didn’t feel like eating a meal, I didn’t. If I’d rather have two glasses of wine and crackers and cheese for dinner, fine. If I took a box of cereal to bed with me to nosh while reading, that was OK too, and I found that after a while of noshing, I was full and didn’t eat the whole box, as I feared I might. I grazed nuts and dried fruit from the pantry when seeking a snack, but I didn’t binge, as I once had a tendency to do, especially when stressed. I let my body normalize and listened to what it wanted, not to my neurosis.

I didn’t start an exercise regime, which I’ve never been consistent at anyway. But I found, as the pounds dissolved, that I liked how I looked in yoga pants and how my body felt good stretching and doing poses. And I walked, as I always enjoyed, with more enthusiasm.

The Results

Over the course of six months, I lost 10 pounds, and by the end of a year, 15. I went from a size 12 to a size 8, for the first time in my adult life! I don’t dread getting on scales. I don’t ask myself, or others, if I “look fat” because I know I don’t. I am not thin; never have been. Slender is not my body type, and I happily accept the shapely form I was given, and am grateful for my good health. The craziness of years of self-criticism have been replaced with satisfaction and confidence that I can, and have, taken charge of something so basic – and yet so emotionally charged – as the food I put in my mouth and my relationship to the body that my mind and spirit inhabits.

Falling In Love

I am convinced that inhabiting your best body is about falling in love with your self. Like ending toxic relationship, it’s a conscious decision to stop. In this case, stopping the madness of negative self-talk. It is about truly enjoying being in your body and treating it with the respect it deserves. It is, after all, yours alone to do with whatever you please.

Next Steps

If you have had success in positively changing your relationship to your body, please share it. If you want support to get started or continue being kinder and more tuned-in to your inner conversation and relationship to food, please share that. I want this website to support and applaud every one who seeks to cultivate peace and love within themselves, because that’s where it all begins!