Posts tagged appreciation

Acts of Love – Take 1

10 Comments Travel

Along the cobblestone streets of Miguel de Allende, I am struck by the kindness I see – between parents and children, lovers, friends, old and young. I know there is no panacea, and there are angry and thoughtless, wounded people everywhere, but it seems that the more I notice acts of love, the more I see of them. I plan to continue capturing photos of people reaching out to one another, touching, caring, connecting. I hope you too will start noticing this wherever you are, and be inspired to share these stories of human decency.

New Years Benediction – Surprise Yourself!

0 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

Benediction for the New Year: Surprise Yourself!

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. – Neil Gaiman

I’m wondering: How might I surprise myself? How might you?
What, at the end of this year, might you be delighted you did differently, better, more lovingly and successfully, with good madness?

What would surprise and delight you?

As you move through this year, perhaps take note of ways you surprise your self. It would be fun to hear of them in a year from now!

A View From the Last Day of 2010

8 Comments Relationships
Dec. 31, 2010

Almost every day for the past 10 years, (except when I’m traveling), I have woken to this beautiful view; sometimes bathed in apricot and peach colors of sunrise and sometimes, like on this brisk winter morning, dusted with snow. Almost always the piñon and juniper-covered hills are outlined by the blue backdrop for which New Mexico’s skies are famous. Every morning, as my mind shifts from the realm of dreams to self consciousness, I am reminded of the “Big World Out There,” beyond my own thoughts and feelings, immediacies, concerns, duties and habits; beyond, even, my own mortality.

I know I am very lucky to sleep in the safety, warmth and comfort of a well-built home, to open my eyes to “my mountain” and to be reminded daily of the beauty and majesty of nature. I am also fortunate to have the eyes to see this, the mind to make meaning of it, the body to rise and stretch and consider what I want to do with the day ahead.

Being self-employed for the past 26 years, I know there are days when I’ll “get a lot done” and others when I’ll wonder where the day went. But, inevitably the day passes and, no matter what joys, sorrows, discomforts or challenges I encounter, perceive or dwell upon, I sleep and wake to a new day.

Since we mark these passings with a calendar, the end of a year and beginning of another have created traditions and rituals. Probably like you, I like to take some time to reflect on what I have learned and how I’ve changed in the year past, and envision what I’d like to create in the year ahead. For me, 2010 has been marked by a deeper understanding and practice of Appreciation… for my self, and for every aspect of my life.

This year, I have let go much of my former ambition and sense of accomplishment in terms of money, and have found that the more I appreciate the moments of awareness and connection, the easier money flows to me. I have let go much anxiety and fear around it, substituting every financial transaction with love and appreciation. It is a practice to reprogram decades of delusional control, but very satisfying. Consider that in the financial realm, appreciation means to grow in value.

I have weathered some loses and disappointments – in myself and others. I have accepted the reality of What Is and been bold in moving on and appreciating my ability to end relationships with people whose perspectives or actions are not supportive; or to love them all the more for standing in their truth and challenging me, with love, to better know my own heart and mind.

I mark my years by my travels (never as much as I wish!). In 2010, I went to Playa del Carmen and Cozumel to escape last January’s cold; to my niece Maggie’s wedding in New Hampshire in September — a gloriously fun reunion with family I cherish, and while there drove to Vermont to spent a delightful day with Roberta Shafer, my beloved ninth-grade teacher who I hadn’t seen since 1972; I flew to Denver in October to spend a long weekend with my dear friend Anne at her new home; and spent 10 days in New York City with high school friends I’d reconnected with thanks to Facebook; visited with my housemate from 27 years ago, Joel, and his family (his wife, Neonilla, and I are planing a trip to Turkey in Sept. 2011); attended travel writer events with Swiss-based writer friend Anita Breland, and “social enterprise” day at New York Entrepreneur Week; enjoyed time with the talented Tree Elven; and, at the “Other Israel Film Festival,” I made a business connection that holds some promise.

In a summary of the year’s accomplishments, I closed three real estate deals and published a few articles, spent a lot of time online learning about social media, created the complex website for GreenRoads Realty, updated the related eZine, revamped my personal website, edited some articles for Your Life Is A Trip and cultivated a precious friendship with Judie Fein, and created this new blog close to my heart. I also began practicing yoga again, after many years, and have been encouraged by the success of my friend Maia Duerr’s Liberated Life Project. Throughout, I grappled with chronic discontent and the sense I should be doing something more, something different. Finally, in November, I broke through to Appreciation… a place of joy I wish for everyone.

What’s next? I’ve made a commitment to doing what I most love in 2011 – writing and traveling, coaching businesses and individuals, and facilitating workshops. I am letting go of the activities that have sucked my time. I am focusing on what I most love, albeit through a number of related prisms.

It has not been a “easy year” for me or anyone I know. The systems we thought would work for our lifetime have self-destructed or are unraveling. It is a time of uncertainty and change, full of new potential. I am grateful for this year, for the clarity that has come from it, and for the support of generous-spirited friends and my partner of 26 years who, knowing me better than anyone, stated, “You are a writer and you love to travel. Why don’t you just do that?” So that is what I intend to do in 2011.

When I awake on the first day of 2011 and see my mountain, it will be with the surety that whatever this year brings, I will welcome it. To experience this life and recognize my power to create and in-form reality is awesome. That it took years to recognize this means nothing to a mountain.

Thank you for joining me on this journey to inhabiting our dreams! “Happy New Year!”
I would love to hear what you learned in 2010, and what you intend for 2011. (Please leave your comments below).

With enormous gratitude for your presence,
Aysha

Listening and Loving

0 Comments Changing The World, Relationships

This post is reprinted by permission of Greg Newman, a gifted and exuberant body-centered coach/teacher I met at the Hendricks Institute training in 1999. For nine years, Greg has diligently emailed a monthly newsletter, each with a new insight and actual practice for enhancing our communication and conscious awareness. At the end, he poses some “wonder questions,” simple ways to consider the subject without judgment or blame. His devotion to empowering others and his personal integrity, is exemplary. He lives in Madison, WI with his wife June, where they also have a therapeutic massage business. You can subscribe to Greg’s free monthly newsletter by signing up at his website.

Active listening – to others and our self – is loving and generous, keeps us in the present, enhances connection and brings forth our best ideas and heart.

DECEMBER BODY-CENTERED COACHING TIP

I have another practice I’d like to share with you just in time for the holidays. I call it listening and loving, because that’s what it is.

Typically when another person is speaking, most of us do something very different than listening and loving. Instead, we often listen and judge, get a rebuttal ready to fire back, mock them in our minds, poke holes in their logic, feel pressure to agree with them and so on.

For example, let’s say that your partner is speaking to you about an issue he or she is having with a co-worker. As your partner describes the situation, your mind goes through a number of mental gymnastics. It makes your partner wrong for having the issue, judges the co-worker harshly for his or her part in it, feels powerless about not being able to do anything about it, or tries to figure out a quick-fix to the problem.

Listening and loving has a very different agenda. You listen generously to what another person has to say, and you love them as they speak. You allow the other person to have their own thoughts and experience. You love them for being able to speak, for their willingness to speak to you, for anything you can find to love about them as they speak. Listening and loving has no agenda except to listen and love.

Have you ever heard a bird sing? You don’t try to outsmart, argue with or coerce a bird that is singing. You just listen and enjoy the song. Each person is a songbird making a song for you to hear.

You might think that listening and loving is boring, or that you won’t be engaging with others if you do it. I have found the opposite to be true. When I am listening and loving, I am present. Space opens between me and the speaker that allows me to hear their words and feelings clearly, without being carried away by them. I am available for the other person, rather than being lost in the maze of my own mental chatter. I feel connected with the person speaking and our conversation can unfold with ease.

When I am listening and loving, I am continuously amazed by the wisdom, insights and creativity that emerge in other people. When someone is listening to and loving me, their loving attention shines a light on my own genius and draws it to the surface like a powerful magnet.

Of course, listening and loving starts at home, inside ourselves. The same ways that you internally judge, ridicule and wrestle with your own thoughts are the patterns that show up when you hear others speak. Listening and loving begins with you, with every thought that passes through your mind. As you learn to listen to and love your own thoughts you will naturally do the same with other people.

So the next time someone is speaking to you, and find yourself mentally or verbally trying to fix them, talk them out of what they think or give them a more enlightened point of view, no problem….just remember to listen and love, and watch your conversation unfold in delightful ways.

…………………………………………………..
DECEMBER WONDER QUESTIONS

Who do you listen to the most in your life? The least?
Who listens to you the most? The least?
What do you do instead of listening and loving?
What would it be like to listen to and love every one of your thoughts?
What would it be like to listen to and love everyone in your life?

Please share what this brings up for you in comments, below… thanks! – Aysha

How To Get Your Man To Change

2 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

Don’t you just love provocative titles like this one? Women’s magazines thrive on this sort of nonsense. The Truth is, YOU CAN’T GET ANYONE TO CHANGE!

It’s impossible to address each individual’s circumstance (except in the confidential confines of therapy, coaching or friendship), so I’ll offer some general observations from my own life, and those of clients and friends, and hope some apply to whoever would be attracted to this topic.

1. If you want someone else to change, it’s usually because you don’t like who you are/what you feel like around them. Is that their problem? You are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings and well being. If it doesn’t feel good to be with someone, then don’t. It really is that simple when you stop justifying yourself or “him”.

2. “But if only he would do this or say that…” There is no end to complaints. If it’s not this thing, it will be another and the next. If you ask clearly and kindly for some consideration and he chooses to ignore your request, then you have his response. Don’t make excuses for him. And for your own sake, don’t hound him about it – that just makes you a “nag” and him the “bad guy” and sets up a destructive pattern of resentment and guilt. He simply does not care about what you care about in this regard. Is that a deal breaker?

3. Fact: Women are generally more verbal and in touch with their feelings than men. There are exceptions, and they are wonderful, but we’re talking about the man you want to be different than how he is. Your guy may simply not have the communication skills you possess (and think he should have too!). But, the bottom line is actions speak louder than words. Men understand that. Are you being the partner to him that you wish he were being to you? You must have appreciated something about his communication style to have gotten involved in the first place. Maybe you need to revisit those endearing traits and consider: were they just an act? was he always this way but you refused to see him? did he lose them through being ground down by disappointments? might you have stop appreciating them?

If his communication really is insufficient to satisfy your needs, and your energy around ‘issues” is sapping your precious life’s time, then get real with yourself and put a “stop loss” on the relationship. Be sure your own lack of self-love is not causing you to be a bottomless pit needing appreciation, and that you’re not just suffering from “grass is greener somewhere else” fantasies. But, if you’re coming from a place of your own power and love, and the way you relate to one another is untenable, you must take charge of change.

4. If this guy really isn’t for you (anymore); if you can’t accept him “warts and all” as he is (not as you wish he’d be!), then do him and your self a favor and end the relationship. That won’t change him, but it will change you — and isn’t that what we’re really talking about?

Your comments and stories please…

7 Ideas For A Joyful Holiday Season

4 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships
Christmas Eve, Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM – a magical tradition. This could be #8: Get out and do something festive!

I admire people who just love the holidays and approach the season’s festivities with boundless enthusiasm. But I can’t relate. If, like for me, the holidays hold for you some sadness from past loss, cynicism, loneliness, or lack of joy, I thought it might be useful to come up some ways to make it different this year. Here goes…

1. Do something Unusual: Make up a dozen gift bags and give them to homeless people. Buy a box of “cuties” (tangerines) and some small gift bags. Bake a big batch of cookies and put a few in plastic wrap or sandwich bag. Write a note on pretty cards you have lying around, or make up cards (a small piece of paper-backed wrapping paper makes nice gift cards); tie a ribbon around it. If you have a dog, include some of his treats for those on the streets with canine companions (mark those bags separately). Each bag should cost about $1.25. For about $15, we can give ourselves an incalculable gift.

2. Spend a block of uninterrupted hours going through your closet. Ruthlessly toss out every item that no longer is fashionable or fits, hasn’t been worn in the past 18 months, or is too worn. Put it all into garbage sacks or boxes and deliver it immediately to a local shelter or thrift shop. As you drop it off, appreciate yourself for having created such abundance that you can give it away. Let it go with your blessings.

3. Start and/or Finish A Creative Project. You may have an art project, a home repair or improvement project, reading or writing to catch up on; whatever has been on your mind. I plan to finally digitize old family albums. Just do it, complete it, and appreciate your desire and ability to express yourself creatively. And whatever you do, enjoy the process and do not judge the outcome.

4. Make some dates. Be sure to get together with friends, even if just for a cup of tea or walk around the block. Hug sincerely and relish your time together, as it is always precious.

5. Pick up the phone and call those far away who you love. Let them hear your voice, and hear theirs. Put aside any conflicts that may exist and be happy you have them in your personal circle of Life.

6. Pamper Yourself. You can do this at home without spending any money. A bubble bath, a facial (homemade recipes on line), an afternoon nap – give your self the gift of Time spent loving and enjoying Your Beautiful Unique Self.

7. Create a Vision Board for the new year. This is a fun, easy process I teach in workshops. It allows your unconscious mind to let your conscious mind know what it’s thinking about and desiring. In creating this visual board of imagination, you are apt to manifest what You want for yourself. Some call it the Law of Attraction; I call it Get Real To Make Real. You have to know what you want in order to appreciate your Power as a Creator. You have to know where you’re going in order to Celebrate having arrived.

Materials & Process: A piece of construction paper, poster board, cardboard, scissors, glue stick (you can also add markers, paints or whatever art supplies you have). Spend some time flipping through magazines and cut or tear out imagines and words that catch your attention; don’t think about them, just respond. After you have a pile of cutouts, start to arrange them on the board however makes sense to you, and glue them down. In a couple of hours, you’ve created a collage that is meaningful to you. Post it in a place you’ll see it often. Remember to look at it, enjoy it, and step into and believe in the dreams you made visible.

So, here are seven ideas I plan to implement in the next three weeks between now and January 3, 2011. I’d love to hear your ideas and feedback on these – please comment below. And, after this holiday season, I’d love to know how how joyful you were able to make yours!

Happy Holidays!

The Lighter Side

2 Comments Relationships

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

Humor (in kindness)...always a good thing.

Before we get to some humor…Last night I watched a PBS documentary, “This Emotional Life,” examining the causes and effects of such crippling emotional conditions as depression, PTSD, phobias and uncontrollable anger.

While these are real, frustrating, heart-breaking and destructive (to mind-body-spirit and relationships to self-others-work), the two “solutions” offered were: psychotherapy, wherein the patients talks and relives the inciting PTSD experiences and comes to distance and control overwhelming emotions; and chemicals (antidepressants). I found this a limited and conventional (corporate/AMA establishment) view, devoid of spirituality and without even a nod to “alternative” medicines and modalities.

For those who have friends, relatives or even yourself suffering from these conditions, seeking help is critical. Just the simple act of admitting one needs help is the first step toward health. But, I want to encourage seeking beyond a pill or quick-fix, and going more deeply into understanding and appreciation of the complexity of Life. There is much to explore (especially outside the corporate matrix) and therefore, much reason for hope.

On that note, a little humor is always a good thing.

1) Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?
2) Amnesia — I Don’t Remember If I’ll be Home for Christmas
3) Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
4) Manic — Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And………..
5) Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are
6) Paranoid — Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us
7) Borderline Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I’m Gonna Cry, and I’ll not Tell You Why
8) Full Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire
9) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
10) Agoraphobia — I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House
11) Senile Dementia — Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe
12) Oppositional Defiant Disorder — I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13) Social Anxiety Disorder — Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
14) Attention Deficit Disorder — We Wish You……Hey Look!! It’s Snowing!!!
15) Dyslexia — Snosty the Froman

Do You Love Your Self?

0 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships
What Are You Reflecting Back To You?

I was 47, looking in the leather-framed mirror in an elegant bathroom in the house my partner and I had designed and built just the year before.

I’d just gone through my first and only (thank the gods) bout with depression. For several months, on several days a week, I’d wake up trapped in a black hole. I felt I was falling backward into an elevator shaft. I was contentious and upset but could, on the “sane days,” step back and witness the insanity of what I was sowing, the struggle in everything I was doing. I’d wonder, “Who was that bitch who took over my body?” Finally, I got my hormones tested and the doctor said, “You’re out of progesterone.”

Progesterone is called “the feel good hormone.” Without it, you feel bad…really bad.  But restoring a balanced level was a fairly easy trick: 3 months of compounded natural replacements and I was me again…only with much more gratitude. “Oh Aysha, There you are!” I had come back to my senses, to my “normal,” positive and empowered self.

So here I was in this Pueblo-style mansion, in a very tangible dream I was “inhabiting,” and I seeing myself in the mirror. I was so happy to see me! I realized I would never again be younger than I was at that moment. I realized I was all I had to work with in this life…and that woman in the mirror was pretty darn cool.

In this same looking glass I could see the little girl I once was, full of wonder, innocence, anticipation and idealism; the woman I am now, curious in a more specific way, recognizing the value of time and energy; and I could see too the old woman I may someday be, feeling very fulfilled and amused at the twists and turns of the countless stories of this life.

At that moment I knew without a doubt that I loved myself with an abiding appreciation I never had before. How could I do otherwise?

Have you had a similar epiphany? Are you fully appreciating you or still standing in judgment of yourself? Are you fearful or hopeful of the future? We are on this road together. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to enter a comment below and join the conversation.