Category Passion & Joy

New Years Benediction – Surprise Yourself!

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Benediction for the New Year: Surprise Yourself!

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. – Neil Gaiman

I’m wondering: How might I surprise myself? How might you?
What, at the end of this year, might you be delighted you did differently, better, more lovingly and successfully, with good madness?

What would surprise and delight you?

As you move through this year, perhaps take note of ways you surprise your self. It would be fun to hear of them in a year from now!

How To Get Your Man To Change

2 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

Don’t you just love provocative titles like this one? Women’s magazines thrive on this sort of nonsense. The Truth is, YOU CAN’T GET ANYONE TO CHANGE!

It’s impossible to address each individual’s circumstance (except in the confidential confines of therapy, coaching or friendship), so I’ll offer some general observations from my own life, and those of clients and friends, and hope some apply to whoever would be attracted to this topic.

1. If you want someone else to change, it’s usually because you don’t like who you are/what you feel like around them. Is that their problem? You are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings and well being. If it doesn’t feel good to be with someone, then don’t. It really is that simple when you stop justifying yourself or “him”.

2. “But if only he would do this or say that…” There is no end to complaints. If it’s not this thing, it will be another and the next. If you ask clearly and kindly for some consideration and he chooses to ignore your request, then you have his response. Don’t make excuses for him. And for your own sake, don’t hound him about it – that just makes you a “nag” and him the “bad guy” and sets up a destructive pattern of resentment and guilt. He simply does not care about what you care about in this regard. Is that a deal breaker?

3. Fact: Women are generally more verbal and in touch with their feelings than men. There are exceptions, and they are wonderful, but we’re talking about the man you want to be different than how he is. Your guy may simply not have the communication skills you possess (and think he should have too!). But, the bottom line is actions speak louder than words. Men understand that. Are you being the partner to him that you wish he were being to you? You must have appreciated something about his communication style to have gotten involved in the first place. Maybe you need to revisit those endearing traits and consider: were they just an act? was he always this way but you refused to see him? did he lose them through being ground down by disappointments? might you have stop appreciating them?

If his communication really is insufficient to satisfy your needs, and your energy around ‘issues” is sapping your precious life’s time, then get real with yourself and put a “stop loss” on the relationship. Be sure your own lack of self-love is not causing you to be a bottomless pit needing appreciation, and that you’re not just suffering from “grass is greener somewhere else” fantasies. But, if you’re coming from a place of your own power and love, and the way you relate to one another is untenable, you must take charge of change.

4. If this guy really isn’t for you (anymore); if you can’t accept him “warts and all” as he is (not as you wish he’d be!), then do him and your self a favor and end the relationship. That won’t change him, but it will change you — and isn’t that what we’re really talking about?

Your comments and stories please…

7 Ideas For A Joyful Holiday Season

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Christmas Eve, Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM – a magical tradition. This could be #8: Get out and do something festive!

I admire people who just love the holidays and approach the season’s festivities with boundless enthusiasm. But I can’t relate. If, like for me, the holidays hold for you some sadness from past loss, cynicism, loneliness, or lack of joy, I thought it might be useful to come up some ways to make it different this year. Here goes…

1. Do something Unusual: Make up a dozen gift bags and give them to homeless people. Buy a box of “cuties” (tangerines) and some small gift bags. Bake a big batch of cookies and put a few in plastic wrap or sandwich bag. Write a note on pretty cards you have lying around, or make up cards (a small piece of paper-backed wrapping paper makes nice gift cards); tie a ribbon around it. If you have a dog, include some of his treats for those on the streets with canine companions (mark those bags separately). Each bag should cost about $1.25. For about $15, we can give ourselves an incalculable gift.

2. Spend a block of uninterrupted hours going through your closet. Ruthlessly toss out every item that no longer is fashionable or fits, hasn’t been worn in the past 18 months, or is too worn. Put it all into garbage sacks or boxes and deliver it immediately to a local shelter or thrift shop. As you drop it off, appreciate yourself for having created such abundance that you can give it away. Let it go with your blessings.

3. Start and/or Finish A Creative Project. You may have an art project, a home repair or improvement project, reading or writing to catch up on; whatever has been on your mind. I plan to finally digitize old family albums. Just do it, complete it, and appreciate your desire and ability to express yourself creatively. And whatever you do, enjoy the process and do not judge the outcome.

4. Make some dates. Be sure to get together with friends, even if just for a cup of tea or walk around the block. Hug sincerely and relish your time together, as it is always precious.

5. Pick up the phone and call those far away who you love. Let them hear your voice, and hear theirs. Put aside any conflicts that may exist and be happy you have them in your personal circle of Life.

6. Pamper Yourself. You can do this at home without spending any money. A bubble bath, a facial (homemade recipes on line), an afternoon nap – give your self the gift of Time spent loving and enjoying Your Beautiful Unique Self.

7. Create a Vision Board for the new year. This is a fun, easy process I teach in workshops. It allows your unconscious mind to let your conscious mind know what it’s thinking about and desiring. In creating this visual board of imagination, you are apt to manifest what You want for yourself. Some call it the Law of Attraction; I call it Get Real To Make Real. You have to know what you want in order to appreciate your Power as a Creator. You have to know where you’re going in order to Celebrate having arrived.

Materials & Process: A piece of construction paper, poster board, cardboard, scissors, glue stick (you can also add markers, paints or whatever art supplies you have). Spend some time flipping through magazines and cut or tear out imagines and words that catch your attention; don’t think about them, just respond. After you have a pile of cutouts, start to arrange them on the board however makes sense to you, and glue them down. In a couple of hours, you’ve created a collage that is meaningful to you. Post it in a place you’ll see it often. Remember to look at it, enjoy it, and step into and believe in the dreams you made visible.

So, here are seven ideas I plan to implement in the next three weeks between now and January 3, 2011. I’d love to hear your ideas and feedback on these – please comment below. And, after this holiday season, I’d love to know how how joyful you were able to make yours!

Happy Holidays!

Why Dreams Don’t Soar

1 Comment Passion & Joy, Relationships

by C. Hope Clark (by kind permission of the author)

No matter how discouraged, your dreams are, after all, yours to inhabit!

What we often attribute to fate and the hand of others is more the fault of grounded dreams – dreams we weighed down ourselves, not allowing the wings to spread and take flight. The change isn’t a sudden slam of a door or quick reversal of speed, but more of a slow easy slide into nothing. And we assume it isn’t our fault. We have to assume some of the responsibility. Whether we admit it or not, we abetted the demise by:

–Letting others dissuade us. It’s amazing how people who haven’t succeeded tend to be the loudest naysayers. While writers are known for having some mighty big hearts, those who don’t understand the craft still tend to believe anyone can pull off a bestseller. We hear far too many negatives, and we start to believe the words.

–Letting past disappointment control us. We’ve failed in other arenas. We’ve had close calls with contracts. We’ve submitted to 72 agents, been rejected 42 times and ignored 32. We’ve divorced, endured physical restrictions, and weathered disease.

–Letting that inner editor tell us that we’ve done fine considering the odds. We’d be better off NOT knowing the odds. That way we don’t settle for less than our best.

–Letting the hard work stop us from tackling another hurdle. We get tired, and our confidence weakens.

–Locking up our imagination. Like dancing in front of people, we fear cutting loose and letting our inner child free. We grip what’s comfortable instead of jumping on the dance floor under the spotlight, where people can easily judge.

Sometimes the odds stack up against us but, face it, our attitude about how we deal with our dreams is completely in our hands. Maintain control. After all, it’s your dream, and no one else’s.

(Editor’s Note: Hope Clark is a writer/editor and true champion of other writers. Her website, http://www.fundsforwriters.com/, is a marvelous resource for both aspiring and seasoned writers).

Giving Thanks – A State of Grace

0 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

I could not improve upon the message of Thanksgiving from one of my wonderful teachers, Hal Isen, who sends out a newsletter, “Core Wisdom® – The Way of the Practical Mystic,” from time to time. I highly recommend his life-changing book, The Genesis Principle: A Journey into the Source of Creativity and Leadership. His website is: http://corewisdom.com/

CORE WISDOM: Giving Thanks – A State of Grace

Abundance of the season. Photo by Aysha Griffin

If the only prayer you say in your life is “thank you,” that would suffice. – Meister Eckhart

This Thanksgiving, many of you will be spending the holiday with family and friends that you have known for years. For others, the day may be celebrated with new acquaintances.

For some of you, this Thanksgiving may be marked by the absence of the familiar form of one loved dearly. For others, there will be the presence of a new, unfamiliar expression of Spirit sitting at your table.

What is changeless is that which is the Source of all life. It is always present and accessible to experience within the multiplicity of forms that manifest themselves as “humanity”.

When we are open to receive,  we become present to that which precedes form and is the source of all forms. We find ourselves in a spontaneous state of awe, wonder, and gratitude beyond words for the miracle that is life itself in each and every moment.

To give thanks for life is to move into a state of Grace beyond appearances, beyond preferences, beyond “good” and “bad”, and beyond duality itself. It is a state where one is present to the deep abiding pulse that is at the heart of all life.

I invite you to engage in a simple, powerful inquiry on Thanksgiving day: As you take a walk or climb a flight of stairs, as you embrace the voices and laughter of others around the Thanksgiving table, and when you find yourself just sitting quietly before or after your Thanksgiving dinner, allow a few moments to reflect on what you are thankful for.

Start with something obvious and simple, and the rest will flow. Observe what you experience when you do this inner inquiry wholeheartedly for only a few minutes.

Below are a few examples of some simple yet miraculous gifts you might reflect on with grateful thanks:

The gift of SIGHT… of wonder and curiosity in a child’s face, of the symphony of colors, hues, and tones at sunset, the shimmering of light on water on a moonlit night, the graceful curve of a neck, the purple radiance of flowers on a green hillside, the synchronicity of a flight of birds flying South in the cool of Autumn, the twinkling of a star, a painting by Monet, the light in a lover’s eyes.

The gift of HEARING… music, the whisper of the wind through fall leaves, the crunch of hard packed snow underfoot, voices strange and voices familiar, a baby’s laughter, a child’s first word, an anguished cry of loss, an intimate’s gasp of pleasure, a parent’s last sigh.

The gifts of TOUCH,SMELL and TASTE…the texture, aroma, and taste of the pumpkin pie, the smoothness of an infant’s skin, the warm,
textured grain in a piece of wood, the cold, hard smoothness of metal, the scent and warmth of a loved one’s embrace.

The gift of FEELING…aware of, experiencing, allowing, welcoming, embracing, understanding, and having compassion for the whole range of human emotions.

The gift of MOVEMENT…being aware and in awe of the miracle of our bodies to move, to crawl, to walk, to run, to jump, to dance, and to love in spontaneous response to our intention.

The gift of BREATH… as Spirit breathes through us, in and out.

The gift of family, friends and teachers… of all shapes, forms, and sizes.

The gifts of FORGIVENESS, COMPASSION, and LOVE …that open our hearts to embrace the essence and forms of all that is.

This Thanksgiving, allow yourself to reside in the space of thankfulness and gratitude. Ask yourself, “What am I thankful for?” Be still, and the answer will come. And then another. And another.

I invite you to live from THANKFULNESS and GRATITUDE in all the days that follow. Awaken in the morning to the question, “What am I thankful for?”Go to sleep in that question. Observe how your life begins to transform into being an expression of the space of thankfulness and gratitude.

At this time of Thanksgiving, I thank each of you for the gift you are in my life in whatever form or forms that has taken — as family, partner, friend, adversary, business associate, neighbor, student, client, mentor, guide, guru, acquaintance, or passerby.

You are all my teachers.You have all given me priceless opportunities in this life to question, to experience, to learn, to grow, to relate, to understand, to allow, to transform, to know, to create, to love, and to BE.

Thank you for BEING in my life.

With love, joy, gratitude and appreciation,

Hal (and Aysha!)

© 2010 Hal Isen & Associates, Inc.

Do You Love Your Self?

0 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships
What Are You Reflecting Back To You?

I was 47, looking in the leather-framed mirror in an elegant bathroom in the house my partner and I had designed and built just the year before.

I’d just gone through my first and only (thank the gods) bout with depression. For several months, on several days a week, I’d wake up trapped in a black hole. I felt I was falling backward into an elevator shaft. I was contentious and upset but could, on the “sane days,” step back and witness the insanity of what I was sowing, the struggle in everything I was doing. I’d wonder, “Who was that bitch who took over my body?” Finally, I got my hormones tested and the doctor said, “You’re out of progesterone.”

Progesterone is called “the feel good hormone.” Without it, you feel bad…really bad.  But restoring a balanced level was a fairly easy trick: 3 months of compounded natural replacements and I was me again…only with much more gratitude. “Oh Aysha, There you are!” I had come back to my senses, to my “normal,” positive and empowered self.

So here I was in this Pueblo-style mansion, in a very tangible dream I was “inhabiting,” and I seeing myself in the mirror. I was so happy to see me! I realized I would never again be younger than I was at that moment. I realized I was all I had to work with in this life…and that woman in the mirror was pretty darn cool.

In this same looking glass I could see the little girl I once was, full of wonder, innocence, anticipation and idealism; the woman I am now, curious in a more specific way, recognizing the value of time and energy; and I could see too the old woman I may someday be, feeling very fulfilled and amused at the twists and turns of the countless stories of this life.

At that moment I knew without a doubt that I loved myself with an abiding appreciation I never had before. How could I do otherwise?

Have you had a similar epiphany? Are you fully appreciating you or still standing in judgment of yourself? Are you fearful or hopeful of the future? We are on this road together. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to enter a comment below and join the conversation.

Minding My Own Business

0 Comments Business & Work, Passion & Joy, Relationships
Whose Business Are You In?

A friend invited me to a free “healing session” with a woman she had a private session with the day before. She warned me that this healer talked a lot and was not someone with whom she connected personally, but the transmission was powerful and she felt strongly I would benefit from it.

Indeed, the healer went on and on about herself, sang us a long and boring song (which she said was the “short version”) and finally got down to the energy shifting part of the evening. I was physically uncomfortable lying on the floor (not knowing we were supposed to bring a mat and blanket), but I tried to remain present and open to whatever I might receive. Read More >>>

How To Lose That “Last 10 Pounds”

0 Comments Health & Fitness, Passion & Joy, Relationships

This article is primarily about losing weight, but the metaphor of the “last 10 pounds” applies also to any dream you’ve been putting off, delaying, waiting to happen. Please read on…

In my case it was 15 pounds. In yours it could be 5 or 50. It doesn’t matter. What matters is having the courage to face facts and take action. Don’t turn off yet! It is really possible to do this! Nearly three years ago, at age 52, I got disgusted with the fact that every year on my “New Years Resolution” list, for as long as I could remember, I wrote: lose 10 pounds.

While I had been able to accomplish (or dismiss) many other goals, this one remained persistently unsatisfied, and it plagued me every day of my life.I was reminded of my failure each time I got dressed and stood in front of the mirror wondering, “Do I look fat in this?” Of course I looked fat! I was fat or, rather, had fat that embarrassed me.  Read More >>>